tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66081602011-07-08T08:54:19.176+08:00"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you." - AnonymousDave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.comBlogger2971100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-54385647368634695992008-02-18T18:08:00.003+08:002008-03-12T17:50:09.281+08:00

Spankin' DA Monkey has moved to new bigger and better premises.Click here for more irreverent nonsense

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-6768745110503326602008-01-27T16:11:00.001+08:002008-01-28T12:37:55.872+08:00

The spanker and his latest girlfriend Wilhelmina Chan (picture above) wish everyone a happy healthy wealthy and wise Chinese New Year.Gong Hei Gong Hei !Good question, Samy. Now take a good long hard look at his hair and you will automatically know the answer.

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-16222961755303275012008-01-27T15:32:00.000+08:002008-01-27T16:04:24.219+08:00

Persatuan Karyawan Malaysia – The Never Ending Story Datuk Aziz Sattar led a group of 6 members to quit as committee members of Persatuan Karyawan on Jan 02, 2008 and has lodged a report against the top management of Karyawan alleging amongst other charges, mismanagement of funds. The ACA has stepped in to investigate. This is nothing new. It’s an old and recurring story, like a

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-75423228193889041982008-01-27T15:17:00.000+08:002008-01-27T15:32:01.610+08:00

Australish - almost English dictionary Contemplating a New Year tattoo in that fashionable area above the buttocks? To help you along, Australians have given them a not-so-fashionable name: "arse antlers." Want a suntan as well? You could have "tanorexia." These are just some of the words the country's biggest online dictionary is asking people to vote for as word of the year for its

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-87412241813883693712008-01-27T14:54:00.000+08:002008-01-27T15:16:33.961+08:00

ADAM, EVE & THEIR BLASTED APPLE Intro: This started off as an sms I sent to some of my closest buddies, some pretty sharp lawyer type females included and their subsequent replies and hilarious add-on comments escalated into this post. Some guys were sitting at their favourite mamak stall, drinking Tongkat Ali teh tarik kurang manis and the topic turned to Adam and Eve. The Chinese guy

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-67974672402422768922008-01-20T17:38:00.000+08:002008-01-20T17:58:31.439+08:00

It never fails. Whenever I have occasion to mention that my ex-girlfriend is in the airlines, the next immediate question is “have you joined the Mile High Club?” I get so tired of explaining to these curious cats that I only held hands with my ex. Ours was a pure love. Now that you’ve barfed, here’s a guide to keep you satisfied. In flight Sex Guide For your own safety, comfort, and

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-86595196868712908982008-01-20T17:09:00.000+08:002008-01-21T15:27:03.695+08:00

Page 4, Star Weekender, January 19, 2008click on article to enlargeSarong Party My Brown Ass Welcome to our globalised world I saw this article in the newspaper and told myself I have two options – I could let it slide or I could say my two cents opinion. Those who know me will not be surprised when I say serves the bloody bitch right. Go prostrate yourself before the great white man. Go

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-26302431206237851242008-01-20T16:00:00.000+08:002008-01-20T16:10:30.567+08:00

This is so funny that I am breaking one of my own rules and reproducing another blogger Pazuzu’s post here, verbatim and in full. You can see more of his satire at http://www.thefloatingturd.blogspot.com/ The Drunken Indian Defense Okay. So you've seen the video. The one that, if you listen to members of the Legal-Community, should bring the Judiciary down to its knees, forcing

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-45687028754353962572008-01-20T15:22:00.000+08:002008-01-20T15:47:40.443+08:00

The album that defined "cool" in the 1980s I was fooling around the net searching for retro sounds when I stumbled onto Cameo’s Word Up. Oh My God! Did the memories come flooding back A quick detour to Youtube had me laughing uproariously as I recalled lead vocalist Larry Blackmon’s hideous red codpiece. "Word Up!" hit radio airwaves in mid-1986 and instantly became one of the biggest

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-91246988774593598022008-01-14T11:27:00.000+08:002008-01-14T11:44:08.917+08:00

Sharlinie Mohd Nasyar, (Nini) 5 yrs old, Height 1 metre, Weight 20kg, Missing since 9 Jan 2008. What The Bloody Hell Is Wrong With Us? Another two cases of young children being abducted. One was lucky. She was recovered several hours after being abducted and she was not harmed by her abductor. The other, Sharlinie Mohd Nashar, is not so lucky as she has yet been found. No one knows her fate

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-53165683551283602732008-01-13T12:06:00.000+08:002008-01-13T13:10:07.430+08:00

(click on article to expand)Say one thing but do the opposite...Tai Kor Is Watching You Lah Wah LiauIt took 24 years longer than expected, but the future has finally arrived. And I don't like it. Not one bit. We are fighting a war with no end to create a peace with no defined victory. Our civil liberties are in

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-23427158858779079182008-01-13T00:50:00.000+08:002008-01-13T12:41:43.319+08:00

Mamak! Why No Roti Canai Ah?Malaysia is in the midst of a cooking oil crunch, which the government has blamed on panic buying and smuggling. Supermarket shelves in several states were stripped of cooking oil last week, resulting in restrictions imposed by the government to curb the shortage. Malaysia enforced a rationing of five kilogrammes of cooking oil per person per purchase. When

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-66548987023052597982008-01-11T13:27:00.001+08:002008-01-13T00:38:56.059+08:00

Sir Edmund Hillary | 1919-2008 Sir Edmund Hillary, the mountain-climbing New Zealand beekeeper who became a hero as the first person to reach the summit of Mount Everest, has died. He was 88. Hillary, who in 1953 made his historic climb to the top of the world's highest mountain with Sherpa mountaineer Tenzing Norgay of Nepal, died of a heart attack on January 10th, according to an

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-44351516041523687032008-01-09T14:07:00.000+08:002008-01-13T13:11:52.309+08:00

Practice What You PreachClick to see the video Another sordid tale of Malaysian politics. I don’t mean to jump on the circus bandwagon and capitalize on this sleazy news, just that I saw a spike in my visitor count to this blog and that got me wondering why. Then I realized it’s because one of my old posts had a tag of “Dr Chua Soi Lek” which is not related to the latest sensational news

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-80747948234087943032008-01-08T01:17:00.000+08:002008-01-13T12:46:16.074+08:00

SUV 4X4 Recall In PakistanISLAMABAD, Pakistan -- Pakistan's Interior Ministry spokesman, Javed lqbal Cheema, said that Benazir Bhutto died from hitting her head on the sunroof of her campaign vehicle and not from bullet wounds. As a result, the manufacturer of Bhutto's vehicle has issued a recall of all identical models. The manufacturer plans to put extra padding around the sunroof's lever,

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-12612114250274701412008-01-07T13:55:00.000+08:002008-01-07T14:08:51.830+08:00

Diane WarrenRussell Watson Enterprise NX-01http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUmO-ELaR_oRussel Watson's Inspiring StoryYou must have seen episodes of Star Trek Enterprise on TV although I’m not sure if you’re aware that the theme song “Faith of the Heart, is written by Diane Warren and superbly performed by Russell WatsonThe story of Russell Watson, 41, is inspirational. It depicts the meteoric

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-25197377299482966132008-01-07T13:16:00.000+08:002008-01-07T13:30:18.306+08:00

The Fantasy: I wish my nurse looked like this The Fact: My nurse fainted when she saw how ugly I was2008 - The Year Of RecoveryIt’s been fourteen months, count ‘em – fourteen bloody months since I lost 70% of my vision due to cataracts and glaucoma caused by steroid toxicity. The good news is that I’ve just this morning been discharged from hospital after getting a silicone lens implanted in my

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-17888780370374435652008-01-02T13:31:00.000+08:002008-01-02T13:39:49.812+08:00

Dave's Happiness Tips For Times Of Crisis2007 has run out faster than cheap condoms in a dingy massage parlour. Not that poor little innocent me knows anything at all about massage parlours. (hey, my mum reads my blog)If you’re expecting yet another insipid post on New Year’s resolutions, starting afresh, new hopes, new beginnings and all that pathetic yadda yadda then I suggest you click away

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-44323033732351731922007-12-27T13:00:00.000+08:002007-12-27T13:01:06.518+08:00

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-48345536848232042282007-12-20T12:22:00.000+08:002007-12-20T12:26:20.931+08:00

Dave Avran would like to wish everyone a spanking Christmas & an ass-tounding New Year

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-15380320025744099292007-12-20T12:15:00.000+08:002007-12-20T12:19:54.718+08:00

More Childhood Heroes Bite The Dust…You know you’re really getting old when your childhood heroes are dropping like flies around you. Dan Fogelberg passed away last Sunday after a three-year battle with prostate cancer. He was 56. I felt shocked and saddened to the hear news that he died so young. Fogelberg waged a valiant fight and died peacefully at home in Maine with his wife, Jean, by his

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-85877763040685090232007-12-16T21:52:00.000+08:002007-12-16T22:03:45.655+08:00

I am so getting used to this viewHuh? What the duck?I was happily enjoying a Mocha Frappe with my friend at the new ultra hip outlet at The Gardens when she dared to ask “the question”“So, Dave, you’re such a sweet guy - why did you break-up with your ex- girlfriend?”“I didn’t break-up with her, sweetie – she dumped me” I growled in my best ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ voice.“But do you know why?”

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-30353369168590694732007-12-16T16:56:00.000+08:002007-12-17T00:04:39.777+08:00

Santa Claus Arrested!As 2007 comes to an end, it seems the bad news is not going to stop. Not long after God retired, Children everywhere may be in for a nasty surprise on Christmas morning. The North Pole Daily has reported that Santa has been arrested during a fly over practice run over Washington D.C. It seems the CIA were getting increasingly uncomfortable with the huge crowds generated

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-25302139256553779682007-12-09T15:55:00.000+08:002007-12-09T16:09:34.034+08:00

Customer Service? What The Hell Is That?With Christmas around the corner, it’s the season for buying gifts. It’s also a reason to check out all the new shops in malls that have mushroomed recently, especially Tangs and Robinsons at Pavilion, The Gardens and Sunway Pyramid 2.Ever notice how customer service varies from store to store in Malaysia? You walk into some stores, and before you can say "

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-44613401541794499682007-12-09T14:59:00.000+08:002007-12-09T15:06:07.018+08:00

Fishy BusinessI came across this anecdote in an old issue of Reader’s Digest and just had to share it with you. Image credit: Disney Pictures (Jacques from ‘Finding Nemo’)Two prawns, Tom and Christian were swimming around in shark- infested waters discussing how difficult their lives were. “We never know when we’re going to get eaten” said Tom. “I wish I was a shark -then I wouldn’t have to worry

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-75512134666723608482007-12-03T23:10:00.000+08:002007-12-03T12:26:43.057+08:00

GOD ANNOUNCES SHOCK RETIREMENTAs an Editor, I’m used to receiving unusual and gimmicky press releases as PR agencies try to be creative and original in attracting our attention. Therefore when an email popped into my inbox purportedly from “www.god.com” I didn’t bat an eye.It said to gather at the Lake Gardens Gazebo at 9:00am on Sunday and we would be beamed up to Heaven for a very important

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-19882544440380198062007-12-03T23:08:00.000+08:002007-12-03T12:18:18.046+08:00

The Chinawimmen ConspiracyI have been saying it all along. Now there’s concrete proof of my Chinawimmen conspiracy. Last night stunning 23-year-old Zhang Zi Lin wowed the home crowd to become China's first-ever Miss World at the 57th edition of the annual beauty pageant.Now you can all stop laughing at me and take note. China is actively engaged in a long term plan for world domination in a

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-17646110777227893392007-11-25T23:08:00.000+08:002007-12-03T13:52:52.167+08:00

Evel Knievel Makes Final JumpAnother one of my childhood heroes bit the dust yesterday. Daredevil Evel Knievel, 69, dodged death in spectacular motorcycle leaps and crashes in a life full of showmanship. He died in the Tampa Bay area of Florida where he recently made his home."Anybody can jump a motorcycle," he once told Esquire magazine. "The trouble begins when you try to land it."He spent

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-70773016415110504542007-11-24T18:55:00.000+08:002007-11-24T19:02:21.129+08:00

5 Things You Should Never Say To A WomanIt all started a couple of weeks ago with a phone call from my friend Glenn. He wanted advice. “It’s my girlfriend Shirley. She’s angry with me, dude. Won’t say a word. Won’t cook or clean or do my laundry. I haven’t even had sex for three days. I feel really bad man”.I told him that I know nothing about relationships. That I was a big time loser. That he

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-24166815077074239192007-11-18T17:07:00.000+08:002007-11-19T13:54:52.715+08:00

The Wimp's Guide to Approaching Women11:00pm Friday night and I was seated at my usual table in the outdoor patio of Borneo Baruk Club with a couple of my dancers. They wanted to check out the stage and ambience in preparation for their performance.The GM of the outlet, Melvin Francis, spotted me and rushed over, waggling his index finger at me. “you! Dave Avran!” he bellowed. “Hi Melvin” I said

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-24748641176329978432007-11-15T16:54:00.000+08:002007-11-15T16:58:38.749+08:00

All Men Are BastardsNow, you and I know that not all men are bastards, but we also know that they can behave like absolute bastards if they want to do so.Today I heard that a friend and fellow editor Yasmin passed away from cancer. Fine, I hear you say, we’re sorry to hear you lost your friend, but wake up, Dave shit happens all the time, nothing to get worked up about. Quite.Yasmin was being

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-15423781008640465332007-11-11T23:08:00.001+08:002007-11-11T23:43:56.794+08:00

THE BABE AND THE BLADEThis post is gonna read very suspiciously like another round of Chinawimmen bashing on my part, but I am merely relating events as they unfold. It was my first outing in a year and we were at the very hip and happening Borneo Baruk Café in Jalan Kia Peng to discuss a series of shows for Prabu, the stand-up comedian that I manage.It was 6:00pm and we were seated in the open

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-73526735890922835722007-11-05T10:14:00.001+08:002008-03-30T20:51:45.605+08:00

ONE EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUYWhat a terribly difficult year its been. I have not blogged since Nov 2006 simply because my vision was reduced to 30% by cataracts.For those of you who just surfed to this channel, a short re-cap: I had been on a daily heavy dose of steroids since 2004, to correct a nerve disorder. Early this year I switched to alternative medicine and found out that the steroid

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-76594972181724436072007-01-12T23:08:00.000+08:002007-12-03T11:52:34.491+08:00

THE CHINAWIMMEN CONSPIRACYI have been saying it all along. Now there’s concrete proof of my Chinawimmen conspiracy. Last night stunning 23-year-old Zhang Zi Lin wowed the home crowd to become China's first-ever Miss World at the 57th edition of the annual beauty pageant.Now you can all stop laughing at me and take note. China is actively engaged in a long term plan to take over the world in a

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1166430044225776142006-12-18T16:20:00.000+08:002006-12-18T16:31:15.283+08:00

MEWWY KISSMAS AND A HORNY NEW YEARDon't drink and drive - you don't want beer all over those expensive leather seats. See you in a year's time

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1166427572505282492006-12-18T15:39:00.000+08:002006-12-18T15:39:32.516+08:00

Whoooooaaaaaaaaa 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1166427348438997292006-12-18T15:04:00.000+08:002006-12-19T11:51:10.320+08:00

A Fairy-Tale conjured up by a by a very stoned, twisted and perverted mindHave you ever heard the story of the son of god, Santa Claus & Puff the Magic Dragon? No? Well sit down and I will tell you the tale. You're already sitting? No kidding, I guess Puff the Magic Dragon was right. He told me you'd be sitting down already.Once upon a time the son of god was walking along when he saw a star fall

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1166424850055677802006-12-18T14:54:00.000+08:002006-12-18T14:54:10.066+08:00

ffweeeeee...kaboom! 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1166424693872842622006-12-18T14:46:00.000+08:002006-12-19T12:02:27.016+08:00

For the last six months, there’s been a new phenomenon sweeping the Klang Valley. It’s mostly perpetrated by young women between the ages of 22 – 30, although quite a few men are guilty of it too.I call it firecracker friendship. You meet someone at a social function, exchange cards and get along like a house on fire. You meet again a couple of times and are soon fast friends, exchanging sms-es

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1166423676539640312006-12-18T14:34:00.000+08:002006-12-18T14:34:36.550+08:00

Amrin, Moni, my late father, Manjit and Azrin 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1166423430604260722006-12-18T14:19:00.000+08:002006-12-19T12:16:30.643+08:00

Well well well. Judging from the avalanche of comments I’ve received, it’s true that dirt sells. Malaysians are just like humans everywhere and enjoy a good gossip and hearing about other people’s dirty little dark secrets.Many of you want me to “complete” the story. Many regulars to this blog, like Michael D and Anjali to name just two, were very supportive. My ex-girlfriend MW actually called

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1164687235646467322006-11-28T12:13:00.000+08:002006-11-28T12:13:55.830+08:00

dishoom dishoom hindi movie style 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1164686013206450472006-11-28T11:47:00.000+08:002006-11-28T11:53:33.233+08:00

Who you are today, your core personality is determined by your personal life experiences, making each of us a unique individual. We carry the messages we received as children whether direct or subliminal, into our adult lives.I grew up in a house ruled by fear. My father was a headmaster and a strict disciplinarian. I was good friends with the rotan and his belt. I could also be kicked out of the

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1164091067771142792006-11-21T14:37:00.000+08:002006-11-21T14:37:47.983+08:00

"where's Dave?" 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1164083736774264142006-11-21T12:27:00.000+08:002006-11-21T12:56:24.556+08:00

During the course of my tenure as General Manager of the Royal Lake Club, I had to work closely with the then President, a prominent lawyer, and developed a great deal of respect for him for his straight shooting no nonsense style of character and management.This cool dude is in his 60’s, rides a big bike and is fit as a fiddle, He eats healthy (read olive oil, wild honey and oats) and travels

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1163384566816360942006-11-13T10:17:00.000+08:002006-11-13T10:22:46.856+08:00

The Special Operations Force (Unit Tindakan Khas) has set up a counter at KLIA to issue free t-shirts to visiting female Mongolian models to Malaysia. It’s got a target printed on it.Female Mongolian models are now in high demand as girlfriends in Malaysia. Apparently they are easily disposable and have highly explosive personalities.What do you call a dead female Mongolian model in Malaysia?

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1163044386996912622006-11-09T11:47:00.000+08:002006-11-09T12:44:43.180+08:00

This blog normally does not make political comments, but recent developments have just been too juicy to resist. This is my take on living in our beloved Bolehland.:If you are high up enough in the food chain, you can hire our Special Operations Force (Unit Tindakan Khas) to assassinate unwanted Mongolian lovers, kidnapping her, shooting her and blowing her up with C4 explosive no less.If you are

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1161233754879081002006-10-19T12:55:00.000+08:002006-10-19T12:55:54.893+08:00

. 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1161233389312955282006-10-19T12:49:00.000+08:002006-10-19T12:49:49.323+08:00

DA Monkey wishes you a warm and wonderful festival of lights, eid mubarak, salam aidilfitri & maaf zahir & batin. drive responsibly, my children. 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1160293181659171442006-10-08T15:39:00.000+08:002006-10-08T15:39:41.670+08:00

beware the devil in disguise 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1160292530108706562006-10-08T15:24:00.000+08:002006-10-08T15:28:50.140+08:00

Do you analyze gifts that you receive? There may be ulterior motives behind the gift. Receiving an extraordinary gift means you'll have to ponder over what the other person is expecting in return. Accepting it may signal the wrong message and attract unwanted attention. However, if you get a crappy gift there's no need to analyze; he or she doesn't care much about you.Take the time to fully

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1159854911970368402006-10-03T13:55:00.000+08:002006-10-03T13:55:11.983+08:00

yes, we brush our teeth with Colgate 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1159854297455160852006-10-03T13:30:00.000+08:002006-10-06T15:11:04.800+08:00

How many of you caught the 56th Miss World Final 2006 live telecast last Sunday? I watched it and was bored to tears by the show’s sedentary pace. I guess the slew of reality shows available now will take its toll on shows that don’t upgrade, just like the demise of UK’s legendary Top of The Pops.The Miss World Final should have been a dazzling event of epic proportions, as it is the World’s

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1159088826526057122006-09-24T17:07:00.000+08:002006-09-24T17:07:06.536+08:00

two prime examples of chinawimmen - Daphne Iking and Lee Sheah Nee of NTV7 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1159088622700629582006-09-24T17:01:00.000+08:002006-10-03T13:20:16.010+08:00

Yes yes, I know it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. Thank you to all those who called, sms-ed and emailed, flaming me to get off my ass and update. Truth be told, I’ve been dealing with some demons and having a thoroughly frustrating time.I’ve also come to the conclusion that Chinawimmen are completely heartless. They seem to possess a control+alternate+delete switch in their brains that when

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1159088311683962742006-09-24T16:58:00.000+08:002006-09-24T16:58:31.683+08:00

frontways, backways, sideways.. 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1159087915265869152006-09-24T16:45:00.000+08:002006-09-24T16:51:55.290+08:00

A couple of months later, I attended another party at G’s house. As usual, there was the hard liquor, beer, cigarettes, weed, gambling and girls. I stuck to beer and cigarettes and became the unofficial DJ, changing records manually even though the player had a function where you could stack records to drop down automatically.Monica was there as well but we avoided eye contact and I purposely

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1157287784276438902006-09-03T20:26:00.000+08:002006-09-04T14:56:17.686+08:00

My family moved a lot due to my father’s job as a headmaster. Among the towns we have stayed in are Teluk Intan (Teluk Anson at that time), Langkap (Near Kampar, Perak) and Batu Gajah. When I was 16, we moved to a brand new housing estate in Ipoh called Silibin Garden.I enrolled for form four in the Anglo Chinese School, became active in the Literary and Debating Society, Theatre group, started

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1156927465743216142006-08-30T16:32:00.000+08:002006-09-04T15:59:48.600+08:00

Life has not been easy in the last one week. I’ve been forced to let go of someone I love dearly because we “have different expectations” and she just “wants to be friends”, whereas I want to marry the damn woman.I called my friend Inspector Mike. “Mike, can I borrow your service revolver?” “Why” he asked, suspicion dripping heavily from that one word as only Policemen can do. “I wanna shoot

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1155738083729897902006-08-16T22:21:00.000+08:002006-08-16T22:21:23.743+08:00

nice colours, eh? 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1155737557254985692006-08-16T22:05:00.000+08:002006-08-16T22:12:37.426+08:00

I’ve just come back from a week in torture camp.My friend Jack Choo took me to a Qi Gong center in Cheras run by a 78 year old master (Sifu) who was trained at the famous Shaolin Temple in China. “Shut your mouth and let him do the talking” Jack advised. I nodded silently, my mouth already shut for once in my life.Sifu took my right hand and read my pulse, all the while shaking his head

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1154857933155939262006-08-06T17:52:00.000+08:002006-08-06T17:52:13.166+08:00

Boo Hoo...he was such a good man... 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1154857188446773362006-08-06T17:29:00.000+08:002006-08-06T17:45:34.003+08:00

I couldn’t sleep last night, so I randomely pulled out a dvd from my collection to watch. Turned out to be Tom Hanks in Cast Away. You know the story – he gets marooned on an island and only keeps his sanity by talking to a volleyball he named Wilson, after its brand name..However it is the hope of seeing his beloved wife (played by Helen Hunt) and her picture in his fobwatch that keeps him

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1154856454789528112006-08-06T16:02:00.000+08:002006-08-06T17:27:34.996+08:00

The BBC's flagship pop music programme Top of the Pops has been cancelled after 42 years."The time has come to bring the show to its natural conclusion," said BBC director of television Jana Bennett. The BBC said the weekly programme could no longer compete with 24-hour music channels.Top of the Pops was first broadcast in 1964, from a converted church in Manchester. The final edition was shown

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1154276166608731552006-07-31T00:07:00.000+08:002006-07-31T00:16:06.633+08:00

You are enjoying your first meal together and everything seems to be going in your favor. That is, until you let a comment slip about your latest vacation romance. Suddenly, everything goes sour and you wonder to yourself, what went wrong?There are certain subjects that you should absolutely avoid bringing up on a date. If you enter a serious relationship with a woman, these topics will come up

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1153738367135324862006-07-24T18:03:00.000+08:002006-07-25T22:41:20.040+08:00

What do you do when you’re introduced to a girl who’s friendly, sassy, sharp as a pin and sports a major attitude, while having dinner at a hotel with an old friend? You speak to her for three minutes and come away with a favourable impression.What do you do when this same girl sends you press releases and info on the hotel’s promos? - You put them up on your website. What do you do when this

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1153091773274119872006-07-17T07:16:00.000+08:002006-07-17T07:16:13.286+08:00

the new service mantra 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1153091495717958812006-07-17T07:00:00.000+08:002006-07-17T07:11:35.750+08:00

Readers Digest magazine has made it official – Malaysians are the 3rd rudest people in the world. Surprised Malaysians who have been on planet Football these last few days are all in a flap over this news. Me? I’ve been bitching about this for years.Coming from an F&B background and being ol skool to boot, my pet peeve is poor service. My motto is simple – the money’s in my pocket to spend, and

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151220482776704112006-06-25T15:28:00.000+08:002006-06-25T15:28:02.790+08:00

they shaped music in the 70's and 80's 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151220336222465062006-06-25T15:25:00.000+08:002006-06-25T15:25:36.240+08:00

still making music 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151219919861674822006-06-25T15:10:00.000+08:002006-06-25T15:18:39.883+08:00

Although rarely known by his name, "Kool and the Gang's Claydes Charles Smith, 57; co-Founder of '70s group Kool & the Gang is one the pioneers of modern rhythm guitar, along with such legends as Curtis Mayfield and The James Brown Band's Jimmy Nolen. What began as funk has expanded to spice up hip-hop, blues, pop, and rock music. His funky rhythm/lead hybrid style can be heard most clearly in

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151219116223724432006-06-25T15:05:00.000+08:002006-06-25T15:05:16.240+08:00

There�s something about wearing a salt and pepper beard that makes you �safe� with the girls.  

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151219055538657902006-06-25T15:04:00.000+08:002006-06-25T15:04:15.546+08:00

You�re considered �uncle� material.  

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151218976399063372006-06-25T15:02:00.000+08:002006-06-25T15:02:56.413+08:00

They�ll sidle up to you and hug you 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151218897518477642006-06-25T15:01:00.000+08:002006-06-25T15:01:37.530+08:00

They�ll cuddle you 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151218798536699232006-06-25T14:59:00.000+08:002006-06-25T14:59:58.546+08:00

They may even play with your beard 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151218694112984942006-06-25T14:58:00.000+08:002006-06-25T14:58:14.123+08:00

They�ll sit on your lap and tease you 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151218447861980072006-06-25T14:54:00.000+08:002006-06-25T14:54:07.873+08:00

Then they�ll go home and bonk their boyfriends senseless 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1151218319942704632006-06-25T14:51:00.000+08:002006-06-25T14:52:00.746+08:00

And leave you sitting there fondling your beard. Weird 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1150624253485998362006-06-18T17:43:00.000+08:002006-06-18T17:50:53.506+08:00

Sometimes, when things get sufficiently weird, subtlety no longer works, so I'll be blunt – lately I’ve been feeling the wheels of time grinding heavily against me.There are so many things I want to do. So many things I did that I want undone, looking back with hindsight. However, the same time that I took for granted in such a carefree manner in my callow youth now hangs heavy over my head. It

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1149494393061671572006-06-05T15:59:00.000+08:002006-06-05T15:59:53.073+08:00

what do you see? 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1149492845514377032006-06-05T15:28:00.000+08:002006-06-05T15:34:05.536+08:00

Again, no original stuff from me this week, just a forwarded email message which will take you 37 seconds to read and just might change your thinking:.Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man wasallowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain thefluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The otherman had to spend all his

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1148667389990442522006-05-27T02:16:00.000+08:002006-05-27T02:16:30.006+08:00

wooooh, dude.where' my plants? 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1148666522624876002006-05-27T01:57:00.000+08:002006-05-27T02:02:02.656+08:00

Life is strange indeed. I’ve always been observant of people and human behaviour in general but ever since I’ve been afflicted with this nerve disorder I’ve come to appreciate how much being “normal” is worth.I’ve also seen, time and time again. many people take their health, bodies, partner, heck - their whole lives for granted. They walk thru life with a La De Da attitude, thinking “yeah,

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1148313885924504192006-05-22T23:49:00.000+08:002006-05-23T00:04:45.956+08:00

Santa Maria! Madre de Dios! You guys no unnerstan da ingris? I’m not gonna write chapter 2 of the tigress story. Period. Following up with the last post on men weeping, I think Elliot Yamin of American Idol takes the cake. Here’s a whimsical feel good story sent to me by my buddy Clifford F. I don’t know who the original author is but I’ve tweaked it a little so it’s a lot less soppy. Don’t weep

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1147815028041072232006-05-17T05:26:00.000+08:002006-05-17T05:30:28.043+08:00

Has anybody noticed how many men have started crying? Everybody seems to be getting in on the act. What would once of been the object of scorn, derision and a serious beating now reveals sensitivity and humanity, a man who is so in touch with his feelings that he feels pain.Furthermore everyone appreciates such a guy so much they don’t even notice the snail tracks on his chin. But what is

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1147616045656015932006-05-14T22:14:00.000+08:002006-05-14T22:14:05.666+08:00

dangerous, deadly and gorgeous all in 1 package 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1147614976593744482006-05-14T21:47:00.000+08:002006-05-14T21:56:16.616+08:00

Heya, guys and dolls. I’ve had 56 requests for part 2 of the story on the tigress. Unfortunately the tigress does not approve of my “creative license”. This is a picture of what I looked like after she was done with me, so the story will have to remain as a stand alone at one chapter.I can’t be arsed to upload all your comments as they are very similar so I’ll do a chinonee FAQ and we can all get

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1147044809804859202006-05-08T07:29:00.000+08:002006-05-08T07:33:29.806+08:00

The old man was sitting on a chair, staring out the window when he heard the “pip pip” sound as the electronic pass card was swiped across the lock to his room. The metal door opened and two orderlies entered. He ignored them and continued to stare out the window.He heard them put his lunch on the table. “Happy Birthday, old man! We’ve included a piece of chocolate cake for dessert as today’s

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1147044318319770762006-05-08T07:21:00.000+08:002006-05-08T07:25:18.350+08:00

I live in an exclusive apartment building which has only 12 units. It is located in a cul-de-sac and therefore does not have any traffic passing through. The neighbours mind their own business and I have lots of privacy and peace as we are a gated community. There is a large, lush garden and I actually hear birds chirping when I wake up.The downside? The building is lightning prone. My pc got

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1144247971276602102006-04-05T22:39:00.000+08:002006-04-05T22:39:31.283+08:00

I want! I want! The wine lah... 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1144247774660074102006-04-05T22:36:00.000+08:002006-04-05T22:36:14.666+08:00

I resized the picture to cut the ugly mofo out.  

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1144247353929428842006-04-05T22:19:00.000+08:002006-04-05T22:29:13.980+08:00

Yes, I’m still on the topic of sour grapes and bitchin’ about not getting any. My Doctor says I suffer from LOGS - Lack Of Good Sex.It's a typical boys’ night out with a buncha musicians and on our way to the recently re-opened Waikiki Bar in state, PJ we walk by a couple holding hands. The woman had what I like to call a "triple-take" face: I looked at her three times before I noticed her

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1143367824285249262006-03-26T18:10:00.000+08:002006-03-26T18:10:24.293+08:00

sorry dave, we can't sing your song. it's too racist lah. 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1143367680000882322006-03-26T18:08:00.000+08:002006-03-26T18:08:00.126+08:00

jammin' as only musicians can do 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1143367102562629272006-03-26T17:51:00.000+08:002006-03-26T19:15:23.886+08:00

The last week I’ve been spending a lot of time with my musician buddies Colin Jensen, Gerard Singh, Amizan, Sherman Tan, Raymond Chia, Wan, Vishnu and Paul Ponnudurai. We’ve had several drinking sessions at the various outlets that they perfomed in, including Olde Tavern, Apartment 101, Slippery Senoritas and Big Fish.Being the astute observationists that we are, we couldn’t help noticing a

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1143186313198286492006-03-24T15:45:00.000+08:002006-03-24T15:45:13.203+08:00

ain't she gorgeous? 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1143185861802314532006-03-24T15:32:00.000+08:002006-03-24T15:37:41.816+08:00

Say hi to snowy, a four year old female terrier-spitz mix. Her owners just had a baby and so wanted to give her up. A big thank you to Mrs D for giving her to me on Thursday 23rd March 2006 at 4:00pm.Friday morning at 6:30am I took snowy to the park near my house and let her loose while I sat under a tree. She gamboled like a lamb, her pure white fur attracting everybody’s attention.Then I saw

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1141395657928375442006-03-03T22:20:00.000+08:002006-03-03T22:20:57.933+08:00

eat that dog food, you miserable mangy mutt! 

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6608160.post-1141394165781969552006-03-03T21:46:00.000+08:002006-03-03T21:56:05.810+08:00

All right boyos, time for another short lesson on life. Today we're going to learn to not give in to anyone's threats, extortion or blackmail. Notice I didn't write never , but in most situations you should never back down from anyone. That's right boys and girls, you're all going to grow some huevos between your legs and not back down when someone tries to intimidate you.setting a

Dave Avranhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06658104947912311155noreply@blogger.com1